Roads!

Recently, I am jobless. Yet, that is not the thing that is disturbing me the most. I have just stepped out on the other side of the college boundaries and hell, it is a different world. A damn big, confused, judging, gossip-obsessed, hypocrite and definitely a different world from one in which I was living in till today. Not ‘cause I never met people with such attributes. No. But ‘cause they did not matter before and now they have suddenly become important people and should be pleased.  Yet, that is not the thing that is disturbing me the most. It is me. What do I want? The world isn’t a beautifully decorated place so if I want to struggle through my dark days, eat expensive raw food, and wear masks that ain’t pretty… what should I do all that for. At this moment the only words I find swinging back and forth my mind is of my favourite, Robert Frost:

‘Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth’

I recall these words and can’t help wondering that how often this poem is everyone’s reality and yet a feeling felt by thousands and thousands of people took so much time to be phrased. The words that might have gone through every man’s personal diaries got published in 1915. That late! But that verse is mere a guest. It does not help my confused mind. I know that I want to be rich enough to be able to give. I know that I want to be white enough to be able to stand in front of God. I know that I want to be sane enough to not forget that whatever I do, one day it will all go back to where it came from. That everything is born to die. Even the smallest of the most materialistic thought.
 But that is what I know I want. And whatever route I take, I will stand by them. Yet, the question in my mind stands strong. What do I don’t want. Which route would not be fulfilling enough? If I trade to the route that is easy, will I trade my happiness along? Will I ever be able to make that much money? Will I ever find satisfaction?  
Thoughts are running faster than light in my mind and hence I am confused between what is past and what is present or future. I am confused.  

The Winter Omen

The silver town with no gold around seems like the crisp crackle of winter is announced. Packing the town in the crystals so pure, nodding and tinkling in the language of heaven, so sure. The winds are slowly taking its pace, tattering every earthly creature… making it shivering December- January days. For some it is an impending omen and others loves its cold rhythm. For it also brings some jingling sound and fills the little ones socks with their favorite Santa sounds.

The pillars of pearl are rooting all around forcing everyone to the comforts of undisturbed retirement. Whatever it is, it is unfeigned to fulfill the duty it withholds, it is slowly but surely making government think of the spell it has casted all around. The chief ministers of capital and states start wondering how the little feats would walk to the school gate. The intense cold whispers of the wave forces them to speak in liberal ways.

A kaleidoscope sight it is bound to create with hot delicious brewing teas and twinkling laughter near the wooden trees. It has its own ways to walk through every gate. Creating an irremediable lazy mood with every breaking dawn and pillows of snow dropping all around, with pride it marks its capture of the ground. Frost reddened nose all around where every one step makes an entire ground.

Aloud it pierces through every thick and thin flowing through every miseries flowing through every grin.  Natural vernalisation it creates for seeds and makes the chirping ones huddle to stay away from freeze. Sleighs of care the reindeers carry along whistling the world’s best songs. The snowman dresses in their best white, like white dove’s wings is the sight. Like butterfly snow flakes around, like bees the winds hum its song. The knitted love of grandmothers giving warmth, shielding her child with the sheep angels. The cold lunar moon glows and sending a chill through vein flow as one waits all long nights for the mercury to rise. For suspension moments squirrels hibernate into the north grounds of mother earth. In its lovely ways winter changes the shapes giving new directions even for the migrating birds.      

A brush but somewhere paints it all red, somewhere where the fog shouts with rage. Denser, it fills the time with critical stage, delaying all flights delaying all trains. Just as it grows worse with ire it takes away the passengers’ soul and pending desires. Somewhere where it is bound to create strokes that can never fade. Leaving memories of tears behind, cursing the bleak winds and its every day and night. Even the sun leaves early the ground making the darkness last for long. Letting the poor ones tremble to death, thirsting for every single ray. Turning shimmering icy water into stone so hard, making its shivering rhythm a moaning sound. With trembling eyes they helplessly scream for the bitter cold to flow away, somewhere where the Orion sheds dews in unwholesome ways.

It is a weird feeling when no matter what happens, somewhere deep in your heart is a feeling standing strong and shouting out loud to the mind and situations that things will soon be fine. That he is out there and is waiting to hold you in his arm and keep you safe for the rest of your existence.
So dear soul,

Without you I feel like the night that in spite of being decorated with infinite bright sparkling stars is still dark and black. Without you I feel lost. Things are rude and confusing. I need you, please don’t make me wait.

Sometimes...

In my journey of life I have often found myself travelling on the route that I like to call 'sometimes'. 

Sometimes I wish my pillow could absorb pain instead of tears

Sometimes I laugh so loud, it makes me forget all my fears

Sometimes I act silly and feel smart

Sometimes I dance on a busy street, with all my heart

Sometimes, sometimes and sometimes... It's a very long journey but I don't know why 'cause sometimes I feel that we get too lost to realise that at the end, nothing matters.

So you are welcome to sneak into my route called 'Sometimes...'